Over the last year, my VTES collection has been quietly expanding. Like every respectable vampire, it started with a modest domain and eventually turned into something requiring proper administration. Building decks became increasingly challenging because every new idea began with the same question: "Do I actually own enough copies of this card?" To answer that, I needed a better storage system.
So I bought one of those large card storage boxes with dividers and began organizing everything. Unexpectedly, my daughter decided this looked like a fun activity too. We started sorting cards together, first by type (masters, actions, reactions, and so on) while admiring the artwork and occasionally declaring that a vampire looked "too grumpy" or "pretty cool." Once we had conquered the card types, we took the next logical step and alphabetized everything. Crypt cards followed soon after and that was when we noticed something odd. Some piles were enormous. Others looked positively lonely. Naturally, this led to a completely reasonable question that absolutely every stats loving VTES player asks themselves at this point...
What is the distribution of first letters in vampire names?
Anyone who has ever opened an occult book knows that names have power. Wizards guard true names. Demons fear them. Ancient spirits bargain with them. In fantasy worlds, learning someone's real name often gives you power over them. In real life, knowing the name of the customer service representative at Tesco at least makes your complaint sound a little more personal. Either way, names matter.
As a nerd, I did what any sensible Tremere apprentice would do. I wrote a script. It marched through the entire VTES crypt database and counted every vampire by the first letter of their name. The results were... surprisingly interesting.
A: 194 (10.9%)
B: 86 (4.8%)
C: 96 (5.4%)
D: 103 (5.8%)
E: 61 (3.4%)
F: 42 (2.4%)
G: 85 (4.8%)
H: 68 (3.8%)
I: 40 (2.2%)
J: 97 (5.4%)
K: 73 (4.1%)
L: 110 (6.2%)
M: 161 (9.0%)
N: 54 (3.0%)
O: 29 (1.6%)
P: 54 (3.0%)
Q: 11 (0.6%)
R: 87 (4.9%)
S: 133 (7.5%)
T: 72 (4.0%)
U: 21 (1.2%)
V: 48 (2.7%)
W: 19 (1.1%)
X: 7 (0.4%)
Y: 17 (1.0%)
Z: 17 (1.0%)
The first thing that jumped out was the overwhelming dominance of the letter A. Nearly 11% of all vampires begin with it. Apparently, if you're embracing someone into immortality and cannot think of a name, simply start with an A and you'll fit right in. M and S also perform exceptionally well, while poor old Q, X, W, and U are practically ghost towns.
Where are Quentin, Quentinius, Quasar, Wilhelmina, Wenceslaus, Xanthe, Xenia, Ulysses, Ursula, Octavia, and Ozric? Surely the World of Darkness has room for at least one terrifying vampire accountant called Wilhelmina.
Meanwhile, I think the letter A can safely take a well-earned holiday. We probably have enough Aarons (or Aerons), Abrahams, Adelinos, Alexes and Alicias to populate an entire Camarilla convention, although real-world first names also heavily favour the letter A. Apparently, humanity has been neglecting the Wilhelminas for centuries.
Of course, none of this information will help you win tournaments. It won't improve your deck building or make your bleeds any stronger. This isn't a problem that needs solving, I was simply curious. Like any respectable Tremere apprentice, I occasionally find myself researching things that absolutely nobody asked about. Sometimes it's refreshing to step away from deck optimization and instead investigate completely pointless mysteries, simply because they're interesting. Besides, every collection tells a story. Mine told me to get more cards!
The game never ends, only pauses. I'll see you at the next move.
Custodian Hargrave
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